Secret Confessions of a Delivery Boy

Happy Valentine's Day;

Tue, 14 Feb 2012 19:56:00 -0500

{ — 7 months and still going strong. I wrote you something…

Roses are red,
Violets are… violet.
You’re the girl I fell for.
Sorry for always being so quiet..

I joined SOLDIER hoping to be First Class.
Until Nibelheim was burned down…
Because Sephiroth was an ass.

So we met again in AVALANCHE, with you at the bar…
When I saw you after so long,
My mouth was ajar.

Tifa, if looks could kill…
I joined AVALANCHE,
And accepted another mission for 2000 gil.

Enough about the past, I needed to let you know,
Today is Valentine’s Day…
Come and have some fun with your beau.

If you want, we can go to the Gold Saucer and have some fun,
Play some games, win some prizes…
Because girl, you’re the one.

Maybe I should stop there. I’m not the best at poems. Haha.. I love you, Tifa.

Confession #70: Longing

Mon, 23 Jan 2012 03:25:42 -0500

These deliveries are getting too much.
Being away from her for so long—
It’s starting to ache terribly.

Is this what our relationship has come to?
It’s difficult to come home and stay for long…
Before I’m called for another delivery.
I’m sitting in my inn room right now, writing this.
I can’t text her. She’s probably sleeping right now.
It’s cold. It’s lonely. I miss her…

“Maybe she deserves someone better.”
The thought always plagues my mind—
Perhaps she deserves someone that will give her time.
Time that I can’t give to her.
I don’t have time at all… and I wish I did.
The more I think about it, the more it hurts.

“I’ll be home soon. I promise.”
But when are those words ever true?
I’ll come home for a bit…
And I’d be too tired to keep up a conversation with her.
I’m physically and mentally exhausted every time.
Every damn time I come home from a delivery.
~~And then I’m called for another one.~~

It’s all my fault.
There’s no one to blame but myself.

Signed: Cloud Strife

Apologies;

Mon, 23 Jan 2012 03:24:00 -0500

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted, and I really do miss making confessions and coming up with something witty to write about. As Tifa has said, I’ve been extremely busy applying to college and scholarships, and my writing has been completely drained after writing 8 essays for the Gates Millennium.

With that said, please bear with me. My creativity is at an all time low, and I’ve been absolutely stressed out from school and life, but I’m still hanging in there.

Thank you for your understanding, and I’ll be back soon.

Comatose; Part 2

Sun, 01 Jan 2012 11:05:52 -0500

ex-soldiercloud:

m e m o r y ;
(—☆ indicates barmaid-tifalockhart’s writing;)
Go back → Part 1

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Comatose...

Thu, 29 Dec 2011 02:00:59 -0500

diaryofalockedhart:

Part two of Comatose is coming up soon guys, it has been roleplayed out and now we just have to edit it.

Please keep a lookout for it; we were truly shocked from the likes we got on part one, so thank you for that!

“We’ll be alright, we always are.”— Comatose.

Confession #69: Fireplace

Sun, 25 Dec 2011 01:44:00 -0500

It was during a cold, winter day when Tifa wanted it by the fireplace.

“Make love to me in front of the fire in the living room…”
“Wh-What…”
“I said, make love to me, in front of the fire downstairs…”
“Soft, sweet love…”

My face burned with nervousness.
But I carried her downstairs,
And gently set her down on the carpet in front of the fireplace.

She began to unbuckle my belts;
I started to unzip her leather vest.
And after a few moments, we were both in each other’s arms.
I kissed her—and she kissed me.
~~The taste of her lips…~~

“You have that look in your eyes…”

In a romantic ambiance—
The lights were dimmed, the blinds were closed;
And the fire burned as intensely as our desires.
Her legs were wrapped around my body,
My fingers ghosted across her skin…
Teasing her breasts as I whispered lustful words into her ear;

“I want you so badly right now…”
“Then take me.”

Temptation ravaged my entire heart and mind.
~~I don’t think I’ve ever wanted someone so badly before…~~

Sweat-covered bodies.
Burning passion permeating our veins.
Deep, aroused moans filled the air.
I moved against her, gently…
Savoring the moment and the feel of her body.
Overwhelming pleasure coursed through my veins.
Climax, orgasm, screams—and finally, a hot release.

Relax, relapse.
And my mind drifted into a state of euphoria.

All I knew was the barmaid…
Nothing else mattered.

Signed: Cloud Strife.

Confession #68: Children

Thu, 22 Dec 2011 04:45:00 -0500

Last night… Tifa and I were talking about…
What our future children would look like.
We agreed that our kids would… be mixed.

I mean—I have blond hair, she’s a brunette.
My eyes are blue, hers are ruby-red…
The both of us—have very prominent features…

As we laid by the fireplace, wrapped in warmth—
Bodies pressed together;
I held her in a tight embrace as we playfully discussed the possibilities…

“We’d make beautiful children, wouldn’t we…”
“Yes… what characteristics of you and I would they have though… lets think…”
“Probably light brown hair…”
“They’d have my eyes but with your eye colour.”
“No… yours…”
“Why?”
“I like yours more…”
She laughed. “Its not up for us to decide!”
“I know….” I said as I squished her cheeks together.
“Cute cheeks…”
“And… nice lips…” I whispered before leaning in and giving her a quick kiss.

Oh, the endless possibilities…
Even though we weren’t ready the first time,
I’m sure—down the road and through the years…
We’ll be ready one day.

It probably wouldn’t be soon, though.
We still have our little ones to take care of.

One day…

Signed: Cloud Strife

Confession #67: Elevator

Tue, 20 Dec 2011 08:10:05 -0500

I recall running off of the ShinRa HQ roof…
And back down to meet with AVALANCHE,
After a battle with Rufus Shinra.

The crew wasn’t there.
Just the barmaid was in plain sight—
Waiting for me.

I can remember how nervous I felt…
But my instincts told me to just move on and not mind her presence.
We both rushed to an elevator and headed for the first floor.
~~Because I wasn’t going to run down 60 flights of stairs again.~~

“Any ideas on what you’d want to do to pass the time…?” I asked.
“Wh-what do you have in mind…” She said, fiddling with the hem of her skirt.
“I don’t know… you’re the creative one.”
“Well?”
“Don’t pressure me!”
“Tch.. when’d you get so shy, Lockhart?”
“When did you get so cocky, Strife?”
“Hmph.”
“So what do you think we should do?!”
“Oh, I don’t know…”
“What are you thinking?”
“What do you think?”
“Enlighten me…”

At that moment, I stepped forward…
Placed my hands against the glass,
Leaned in, and brushed my lips against hers..

Let’s just say…
It was the slowest moving elevator I’d ever been in.

Signed: Cloud Strife

Comatose; Part 1

Tue, 20 Dec 2011 04:24:46 -0500

ex-soldiercloud:

i n m e d i a r e s;
(—☆ indicates barmaid-tifalockhart’s writing;)

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A Message to my Followers

Mon, 19 Dec 2011 13:21:38 -0500

It has been almost 3 months since I started this blog along with my Tifa. As some of you are aware, the things that I write in my journal are not always canon as the confessions based on imagination and roleplay. I appreciate all of your patience, and grateful for each and every one of you, because it’s quite pleasant to know that others actually read my writings!

Along with my Prompto, we came up with this idea and I suppose others decided to take the idea for themselves as well. Although there are other journals out there, I thank you all for your continual support.

Thank you, and I love you all.

Signed: Cloud Strife

P.S. I’m not dead! I’m just busy.

Confession #66: Vacation

Sun, 11 Dec 2011 16:22:06 -0500

Tifa and I are going to Icicle Inn for the holidays…
I’m taking days off of my deliveries…
And Tifa is closing the bar for a few weeks.

Even though it’s the time of year…
When we can make boatloads of gil from customers…
We decided to go on vacation instead.

I almost can’t wait to go snowboarding…
And skiing…
But most importantly, sitting in front of a fireplace—
With the girl that I love the most, in my arms.

~~Maybe she’ll get cold, and I can warm her up…~~
~~And hopefully, I’ll have a heated love session,~~

Signed: Cloud Strife

Confession #65: Dog Days

Sun, 11 Dec 2011 08:05:06 -0500

I can still remember my days as an infantryman for ShinRa.
Even though I didn’t get far, I still picked up a lot of things from my experiences.

The first time when I held a gun…
I almost fell over from how heavy it was.
~~Funny how I wield an oversized sword now…~~
I was so weak…
A lot of the other guys pushed me around,
So I didn’t have many friends.

Zack was my only friend…
And I all I could do was look up to him and Sephiroth.
I was only a grunt, aspiring to be a First-Class SOLDIER—
Trying to impress the girl next door.

If only I were SOLDIER…

Signed: Cloud Strife

Confession #64: Best Friends

Sat, 10 Dec 2011 16:50:00 -0500

Zack Fair—I probably never would have been who I am today without him.

He looked out for me—cared about me during our days with ShinRa.
Somehow, I feel a strange attachment to him.
Perhaps I’m indebted to how much he helped me.
~~I miss him…~~

After he died… I made a promise to him.
A promise to continue his legacy—a promise to be a hero;
Just for him…
I lost myself. I lost every part about myself…
While I worked with AVALANCHE.
Until Tifa helped me find my true being in the Lifestream.

I’m not Zack, and I never will be.
But I guess I can say that I fulfilled his dreams for him—
~~As well as my own.~~
That’s what best friends are for.

“Hey… Would you say I became a hero?”

Yeah. You did become a hero.

Signed: Cloud Strife

Confession #63: Knowledge

Wed, 30 Nov 2011 06:15:00 -0500

Sometimes, I think the kids know too much.

Last night, I heard voices coming from the other room;
So I pressed my ear against the wall and listened.

Denzel and Marlene were still awake.
And let’s just say…
I felt absolutely horrified at what I heard.

“Denzel… I heard noises from the kitchen and Tifa was naked…”
“Duh, they did it.”
“Did what?”
“Put their private parts together!”

I nearly choked.

From eavesdropping, I overheard Marlene talking about noises she heard…
~~Tifa needs to stop screaming in bed.~~
And instantly, Denzel started telling her about the birds and the bees.
~~Damn, the bar’s walls are too thin.~~
How the hell did he know about these adult things?
~~Hopefully not from our fun times at night…~~

Because of these deliveries…
I feel bad for not being around and being a good father figure.
Maybe he learned it all at school…
Or his friends told him all about it.
Did Tifa let him “surf the web” too much?

What’s this family coming to…
~~We’d make terrible parents…~~
Tifa… they’re learning about inappropriate… topics.
I guess I’ll have a serious talk with him soon.

~~Kids just say the darndest things, don’t they?~~
Signed: Cloud Strife

Confession #62: Sparring

Sun, 27 Nov 2011 14:32:37 -0500

So… Tifa and I sparred for the first time.
Let’s just say… it didn’t end very well for me.
What the hell was I supposed to do?
I couldn’t hit her…
There was no way I could fight my own girlfriend.

She’d punch, kick, and hit me with all of her strength—
And I’m stuck here, trying to block and defend myself…
With a few hits every now and then.
What am I supposed to do? Slash at her mercilessly?

It’s difficult… having to fight with Tifa.
I don’t want to hurt her, so I end up running away.
But she thinks I’m scared when I back off.

Of course, she beat me…
~~Completely kicked my ass…~~

Signed: Cloud Strife

P.S. I can win any other battle… just not with Tifa.
~~I can’t hit a girl.~~

Confession #61: Pornstar

Sat, 26 Nov 2011 12:28:00 -0500

I must be the luckiest bastard in the entire world.
A busty barmaid for a girlfriend…?
She acts so innocent on the outside…
~~She’s a fucking pornstar in bed.~~

Nighttime is playtime for her…
That’s when all of her inner desires run loose.
Let’s face it—yes, she tops me.
~~I like it when she’s on top… even if I get called a bottom.~~
~~I don’t care… it’s a turn on when she crawls on top of me…~~

And whispers seductive words into my ear as she plays with my earring.
In a matter of seconds, our clothes are both ripped off…
Let’s just say… she can get extremely naughty in bed.

The way she rides me… the way she talks to me—
It’s almost enough to make me climax right away.

“Naughty or nice? What would you like tonight?”

The bartender usually knows what I want…
Heavy breathing, pleasured moans, and exchanges of teasing words fill the air…
Pure ecstasy courses through my blood,
My heart pulses rapidly—faster and faster…

Faster…

“Faster..!!”

Release.

I have work tomorrow.
~~The night isnt even over yet.~~

Signed: Cloud Strife

Confession #60: Miscarriage

Tue, 22 Nov 2011 17:17:00 -0500

Words cannot describe how much I hate myself right now.
Blood. There was blood, everywhere—
I handled her too roughly… I abused her too much.
And now… we lost it—our child.

I rushed Tifa to the hospital…
Where the doctors rushed her into the Emergency Room.
I stayed by her side the whole time, and waited for them to operate.
But out of fear, she got up and tried to run away.
Running after her, I caught her and held on tightly…
She struggled to the point where I had to press on her pressure points…
Just to knock her out.

I placed her back on the operating table…
Where the doctor asked me…
If I wanted to wait for her to wake up—
Before they commenced with the D&C.
But I gave them my full consent… not knowing of my consequences.

After everything was finished, she woke up—terrified.
All of the blame was placed on me.
Everything—it was all my fault.
It felt as if my heart had been ripped out of my chest.
She laid there, almost lifeless as she stared blankly into space.

I hate myself.
I hate my life.
And I hate what I’ve done.
I don’t deserve… to ever be forgiven.

And I don’t know if I’ll be able to live with myself…
Knowing that I have this blood on my hands.

Signed: Cloud Strife

Confession #59: Pet Names

Fri, 11 Nov 2011 10:47:00 -0500

I’m not the type to show any emotion towards…
These… pet names from Tifa..
But secretly, I … like them.

“Baby…”

“Honey, shh.”

“Silly chocobo!”

Don’t ask me why.
I just do… she’s.. cute..
But this is something that I would never openly admit..
It just gives me all these damn fuzzy feelings inside..

But no one will ever know…
This soft side of me.
~~Hey, I have feelings too.~~

Signed: Cloud Strife

Confession #58: One More Chance

Thu, 10 Nov 2011 10:10:58 -0500

Blinding light enveloped my very being.
Opening my eyes… all I could see was blankness.
Feathers scattered around me…
Warmth began to flood into my body…
As well as pain that shot down my nerves.

After several moments, my vision cleared…
And all that I could see was her—
My barmaid… crying her eyes out.
”She still cares…?“ I thought to myself.
Looking down at my chest, I cried out in agony.
But she treated my wounds afterwards…

“Why… did you… bring me back…”

“Because I love you, you stupid man!”

“…. But I hurt you..”

“If you weren’t in so much pain right now, I would kick you into the next century!”

“I-I’m.. sorry..”

“You’re still my boyfriend, my best friend, my soul mate, my … my true love.”

It was as if nothing ever happened.
Why am I forgiven?
Are sins… truly forgiven?

Signed: Cloud Strife

Confession #57: Suicide

Wed, 09 Nov 2011 22:57:00 -0500

Why do I have to run away and leave her?
Is it necessary to break up over this…?
I knew at that point, she hated me.
I thought to myself,
If I have to live my entire life in guilt and regret over the blood on my hands…
Then… I’d rather not live at all.

Getting up off the bed,
I stepped over to the blade that I dropped on the ground.
As I said what I thought would be a final goodbye,
Piercing pain was driven through my heart.
Suddenly, I hit the ground.
All of the color in the world seemed to fade to grey.
And life was escaping…
The only warmth that I felt was the crimson pool underneath my body.
Everything became cold.

All I heard were screams—screams that I couldn’t register in my mind.
And suddenly, I was swept into her arms.

“No… Cl…oud… you… c…an’t…!! ..I….lo..ve.. you..!!!”

All I could hear… were her broken up words…
No matter how loud she cried for me… I couldn’t hear her.
I couldn’t feel her.
I became devoid of emotion…
When I finally blacked out.

Gone.

Signed: Cloud Strife